They made me laugh (or WTF! moments)

I raise my glass to all the authors who have a great sense of humour, and who can convey it on paper with skill. I thought I would share the books that have been a source of a few (okay, more than a few) good laughs for me these past few years.

Laugh (Burnside # 2) by Mary Ann Rivers

Laugh Cover

Sam Burnside and Nina Paz go out on their very first date and things just go WRONG. I was rolling on the floor and laughing with tears streaming from my eyes by the time I finished reading about their nightmare date. It was pure Murphy’s Law in action. Mary Ann Rivers has a talent for making her readers feel what her characters are feeling be it loneliness, love, anger, lust, sadness, and – well – mortification.

Here’s an excerpt from Chapter 12 just to give you a feel of where their date is going (think the road to hell is truly paved with good intentions):

“What does your shirt say?”

Goddammit, PJ. “I don’t think it says anything. I think it’s just a design.”

She stopped and walked behind him. “No, I think it says something, it’s just very stylized. See, here.” She traced over his shoulders and he closed his eyes. “Huh.”

“What?”
“It says deeper. Deeper than what? Does that mean you’re really deep? Or that you go—”

“I think it’s just the brand, or the company or whatever.”

“Huh. I hadn’t pegged you for a logo hound.”

“I’m not.”

“It’s really shiny, too. Sparkles in the sunlight. I like these small blue rhinestones on the swirls.”

“There’re rhinestones?”

“You’re a rhinestone cowboy, baby. Who goes deeper, or so your shirt claims.”

“It’s swank.”

“What is?”

“The shirt. That’s what PJ said, that it was swank.”

“What does that mean again?”

Sam closed his eyes and yanked Nina in close. “I have no fucking idea.”

They started to walk again. “I actually do like the rhinestones, but you know what I like more?”

“Normal shirts?”

“I like that you wanted to look swank for me and let PJ dress you.”

Sam grinned. He couldn’t help it. He’d done something right without even trying or understanding exactly what the right thing was. Who’da thought?

You’ll have to keep reading because the date doesn’t end with just a swank shirt as collateral damage.

Clockwork Angel (The Infernal Devices # 1) by Cassandra Clare

Clockwork Angel Cover

Who would have thought that gorgeous and tough Shadow Hunter Will Herondale would be afraid of a bird? From Chapter 9, The Enclave:

Jem and Will had set up camp on one of the long tables in the back of the library, ostensibly to help and advise her, but more likely, it seemed, to mock and be amused by her consternation. “You point your feet out too much when you walk,” Will went on. He was busy polishing an apple on his shirtfront, and appeared not to notice Tessa glaring at him. “Camille walks delicately. Like a faun in the woods. Not like a duck.”

“I do not walk like a duck.”

“I like ducks,” Jem observed diplomatically. “Especially the ones in Hyde Park.” He glanced sideways at Will; both boys were sitting on the edge of the high table, their legs dangling over the side. “Remember when you tried to convince me to feed a poultry pie to the mallards in the park to see if you could breed a race of cannibal ducks?”

“They ate it too,” Will reminisced. “Bloodthirsty little beasts. Never trust a duck.”

To find out why Will hates ducks, you can read it here.

 

Damaged 2 by H.M. Ward

Damaged 2 Cover

One would think that a professor with a Ph.D. would have more knowledge than a lowly grad student when it comes to the most mundane things (even for just being around a bit longer), but Peter and Sidney really take the cake. The things a man would endure (and tolerate) for the woman who has broken through the walls he built around his heart.

Peter’s rant gets cut off. He glances behind us at the same time flashing lights do the disco in my rearview mirror. Peter glances at me and slides down into his seat with his hand over his face. “Shit. How fast were you going?”

I cut him an evil look as I pull over. I have no idea. I want to scream and punch. There are a million emotions that are fighting to break free inside of me. I lock my jaw as I stop the car and pull over on the grass at the side of the road. I put down the window and sit there with my hands on the top of the steering wheel where the cop can see them.

He takes his time walking over. It’s a state trooper. He’s an older guy, skinny with weathered skin and angular features. He leans in and looks into the car. “License and registration please…” The man blinks like his eyes are broken and then tips the end of his pen at the backseat. “What are you two doing with that animal?”

Oh my God. I forgot about the bird. “Taking it to the vet. He’s hurt.”

The man looks at me like I’m crazy. Then his gaze shifts to Peter. “Sir, what are you doing with that bird?”

“What she said. It can’t fly and was wandering back and forth on the interstate. My friend didn’t want it to become roadkill.”

The officer gives me a strange look as I hand him my cards. He looks at them and says, “Not many people would save a bird like that, Ms. Colleli.”

“I know. They would have asked for a fork and eaten it.”

The trooper’s face scrunches together and he leans forward. He looks at the bird again. “No one eats those things. They’re living garbage bins for roadkill.”

“What do you mean? It’s a turkey.”

The man straightens and laughs, like big loud belly laugh. Peter glances at the bird and then back at me. He shrugs. The trooper is still smiling when he bends over again. “That’s a vulture, a turkey vulture.” He tries not to smile, but I can tell he wants to. “Can you tell me why he’s wearing a bra, miss?”

 

It’s In His Kiss (Bridgertons # 7) by Julia Quinn

Kiss Cover

The Bridgertons all have their fair share of funny moments but Hyacinth’s has got to be the funniest – courtesy of her adorable (and sometimes asinine) brother Gregory. This scene is from Chapter 10. Hyacinth confides in her brother Gregory about her growing feelings for Gareth St. Clair, and Gregory takes advantage.

“Well,” he said with an affected sigh, “you have my approval, at least.”

“Why?” Hyacinth asked suspiciously.

“It would be an excellent match,” he continued. “If nothing else, think of the children.”

She knew she’d regret it, but still she had to ask. “What children?”

He grinned. “The lovely lithping children you could have together. Garethhhh and Hyathinthhhh. Hyathinth and Gareth. And the thublime Thinclair tots.”

Hyacinth stared at him like he was an idiot.

Which he was, she was quite certain of it.

She shook her head. “How on earth Mother managed to give birth to seven perfectly normal children and one freak is beyond me.”

“Thith way to the nurthery.” Gregory laughed as she headed back into the room. “With the thcrumptious little Tharah and Thamuel Thinclair. Oh, yeth, and don’t forget wee little Thuthannah!”

Hyacinth shut the door in his face, but the wood wasn’t thick enough to block his parting shot.

 

And, naturally, being the wonderful brother that he is, Gregory also can’t let Gareth’s visit at the Bridgerton house pass without taking a crack at his sister’s love interest.

 

“My grandmother speaks highly of you as well,” Gareth said to Lady Bridgerton. “Which is quite a compliment, as she rarely speaks highly of anyone.”

“Except for Hyacinth,” Gregory Bridgerton put in.

Gareth turned. He’d almost forgotten the younger man was there. “Of course,” he said smoothly. “My grandmother adores your sister.”

Gregory turned to Hyacinth. “Do you still read to her each Wednesday?”

“Tuesday,” Hyacinth corrected.

“Oh. Thorry.”

Gareth blinked. Did Hyacinth’s brother have a lisp?

 

Gabriel’s Rapture by Sylvain Reynard

Gabriel's Rapture Cover

Handsome and cold  Professor Gabriel Emerson gets insanely jealous when it comes to his Beatrice. Jealousy really is a funny thing especially when it turns a mature and intelligent man into a child. Yes, The Professor is entitled to have his moments.

“What was in your gift from Paul?”

Julia shrugged, pretending that she hadn’t known that question was coming. “A bottle of maple syrup, which I gave to Dad, and a couple of toys.”

“Toys? What kind of toys?”

She appeared indignant. “Children’s toys, of course.”

“Didn’t he give you a toy bunny a couple of months ago? I think he has some kind of rabbit fetish.”

Angelfucker.

“Gabriel, you have a fetish for women’s shoes. Professor Pot, meet Mr. Kettle.”

“I’ve never denied my aesthetic appreciation for women’s footwear. They’re works of art, after all,” he said primly. “Especially when a woman as lovely as you is wearing them.”

She couldn’t help smiling. “He gave me a stuffed Holstein and a pair of Dante and Beatrice figurines.”

Gabriel’s face manifested a look of intense perplexity. “Figurines?” His mouth widened into a provocative smile. “Don’t you mean action figures?”

“Figurines, action figures. Whatever.”

“Are they anatomically correct?”

“Now who’s being a child?”

He reached over to trace the curve of her cheek. “I was just wondering what kind of action they were capable of participating in—privately, of course.”

“Dante would be rolling over in his grave.”

“We could re-enact that event by taking Paul’s action figure and burying it in the back yard. But I’d like to keep Beatrice.”

 

That’s it for now. If you need a good laugh I hope I’ve piqued your curiosity enough to check out these books. I’d love to hear your own favorite funny book scenes so drop me a line. =)

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Camille
    Aug 23, 2014 @ 23:11:06

    Yay! It’s finally here! Great post, Duch! I want to re-read that scene in LAUGH all over again. Aww.. and Hyacinth’s and Gareth’s story! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  2. Lorn (pakwanstripes)
    Aug 27, 2014 @ 02:46:01

    Ok, so Of course with our Professor, I loved it. A friend of mine used to line up his G.I. Joe figures at their yard and shoot them one by one with a pellet gun so I can understand what Gabriel wanted to do. But I loved the quote from Laugh, too. I had a vision of my husband being clueless about what he did to make me happy (girl logic, he calls it) LoL

    Like

    Reply

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